GET THE MOST OUT OF PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCES IN 3 EASY STEPS: Prepare, Engage, Follow-Up

Parent-teacher conferences are an ideal opportunity to exchange information and to engage with your child's teacher. As a parent, you bring information about your child's interactions, behaviors, and experiences out in the world and at home, as well as previous experiences in school or daycare that might affect their performance in school. You also offer insight into what interests and excites your child. The teacher brings insight about how your child interacts with other children and approaches tasks in the classroom.

In September, when the new year started, your child may have been working extra hard to master difficulties to please the new teacher and be on absolute best behavior, by expending a great deal of energy, complying, and remaining on task the whole day. While children can manage this for some time, eventually the excessive effort exacts a toll—detracting from cognitive attention and performance, exacerbating low frustration tolerance, causing stress, and resulting in meltdowns as soon as your child enters the safety of your home.

Now, midway through the school year, patterns have emerged. The schools have raised the ante, and if there are difficulties, they are more clearly visible now than at the beginning of the year. Spring parent-teacher conferences offer a critical checkpoint to assess progress, address concerns, and make adjustments for the final months of the school year. This may be the time when some challenges begin to emerge and may or may not be shared with you. Don't worry! With a little forethought and some simple steps, you can leave the parent-teacher conference not only with information about your child, but as a partner with your teacher, and the recipient of skills and strategies to help your child succeed.

PREPARE

Most parent-teacher conferences last only 10 minutes, which is why preparation is so important.

Start with the end in mind. 

Before you walk into that conference, clarify your goal. Are you seeking to understand why your child is struggling with reading? Do you want to advocate for classroom modifications? Are you hoping to coordinate strategies between home and school? When you have a clear objective, you can structure the meeting, to the extent possible, to meet that goal.

Consider the format and request what you need. 

While virtual conferences became common during the pandemic, whenever possible, request an in-person conference. Face-to-face meetings create a genuine connection with the teacher that simply can't be replicated through a screen. The rapport you build during an in-person conversation will serve you and your child throughout the remainder of the school year.

Request an extended conference if needed. 

If your child has complex needs or has come to the attention of the administration, don't limit yourself to the standard 10-minute slot. Request an extended conference well in advance of the typical parent-teacher conference time. This allows for a more comprehensive discussion without the pressure of the next family waiting outside the door.

Include your child's whole team. 

If your child receives occupational therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy, or other services outside of school, consider requesting that these providers be included in the conference, either in person or by providing a brief written update. This demonstrates your active participation in your child's education and advocacy for them, and it ensures the teacher understands the full picture of support your child is receiving. The coordination between the school and outside services can be powerful.

Do your homework:

• Familiarize yourself with your child's work. Look over their homework and any work samples sent home, so you have a sense of what they are doing in the classroom.

• Know their grades and have a sense of the school's grading standards. Grading information is usually available in the school's handbook or on the website.

• Talk with your child about what they love about school and the things that are the least enjoyable for them. You may find some really interesting information that you would not have known had you not asked. For example, your child feels excluded at lunchtime, or the child sitting next to them at the table is too noisy and detracts from their attention. This can be useful information to pass along to the teacher.

• Prepare questions in advance and prioritize them. With limited time, you want to make sure you get your most important concerns addressed.

• If there is something specific that you want to bring up, let your child's teachers know in advance, so that they are prepared. The more you prepare the teacher and the more you prepare yourself, the more you will be able to get out of the meeting.

• Be ready to share strategies that have helped your child thrive in the past. Remember, you and the teacher are a team in educating your child. If you have information that will help the teacher, feel free to offer it. But remember, the teacher is the classroom expert. Assist them, but recognize their leadership role.

  
  

Bring support.

It's a good idea to bring along someone who can listen carefully and take notes while you are having a conversation with the teacher. If you can bring a spouse, a parent, or even a really good friend, it will free up your mind to talk to the teacher while someone else can concentrate on remembering. This is a really good way to ensure that while you are in the thick of the conversation, you are not losing precious tidbits that either you or the teacher has offered up.

ENGAGE

Use your time wisely. Listen and partner with the teacher to ensure your child's success.

Start with a super positive attitude and check your negative emotions at the door.

If you have had an unpleasant experience at parent-teacher conferences in the past, try not to pre-judge and give the teacher a chance to shine. The teachers are the experts in their classroom. My style is to treat them with respect, recognizing that my children spend the vast majority of their waking hours with them. The teacher is someone you want to have as an ally.

Establish the partnership. 

The most important message to get across to the teacher is that you and the teacher are forming a partnership to help your child. If your child's name is Charlie, you can be "Team Charlie." Talk about solving any problems and celebrating successes together. Express curiosity about what they perceive as your child's strengths and challenges.

Navigate to your goal. 

Remember that objective you identified? Keep it in view throughout the conversation. If the discussion veers off track, gently redirect: "I appreciate that information. Can we also make sure we discuss [your goal]?" This isn't about controlling the teacher, it's about making the most of limited time.

Listen for what's being said and what isn't. 

If you disagree with something the teacher says, do so respectfully and ask for clarification and examples. For example, saying "tell me about that…" gives the teacher an open-ended opportunity to expound upon their observations and insights without seeming unduly challenging.

Discuss the whole child, not just academics. 

Oftentimes, social and emotional development is more important than academic success and may, in fact, either impede or support that success.

Bring up concerns proactively. 

If you suspect there is an issue or if there has been one in the past, rather than waiting to see if the teacher brings it up, bring it up yourself. This gives the teacher "permission" to make observations they might have hesitated to share, which can waste precious time. At the beginning of the parent-teacher process, many schools err on the side of not raising the alarm because they do not know you well enough to anticipate how their feedback will be received. They want to have you as an ally and don't want to repel you or lose you as a partner in the child's education if they make judgments that you might feel are too harsh or too hasty. But if you know your child has struggled with something in the past, it behooves you to bring that issue up to the teacher and address it head-on so that you can do what you need to do in order to move your child forward.

Listen for red flags that suggest professional consultation. 

Listen for signs that might suggest that a consultation with an occupational, physical, or speech therapist is to address concerns that surface in school that are beyond the skill set of educators. Keywords or concepts that a teacher may use include:

Physical/Motor Signs:

• "Weak core," "low muscle tone," slumping, lying on the floor

• Poor endurance or rapid fatigue

• Tripping, falling, clumsiness

• Difficulty "manipulating" small toys and writing/drawing utensils

• Not understanding "body in space"

Behavioral/Sensory Signs:

• Refusing or avoiding activities (may indicate they are too challenging)

• "Overreacting" to noise, touch, proximity, or smells

• Difficulty tuning into what's going on around them

• Touching others or withdrawing more than other kids

• Self-isolation

• Difficulty sitting or participating in circle time or sitting in a chair

• Preschoolers who limit themselves to just one area (like the block corner) rather than enthusiastically trying everything

If you hear these keywords and concerns, follow up with an occupational, speech, or physical therapist, or your child's pediatrician.

FOLLOW UP

Leave with an action plan.

Create a concrete action plan. 

Leave with a clear statement of what you and the school will each do to facilitate your child's development. Make sure responsibilities are explicit and timelines are set.

Document the conversation. 

Send a grateful thank-you email after the parent-teacher conference with a recap of what was discussed and the plan of action. This creates a paper trail and ensures everyone is on the same page.

Establish ongoing communication. 

Plan exactly how you will stay in touch. Schedule a follow-up to monitor how things have progressed. For example, ask "How can we keep talking about this?" or "Can you shoot me an email on Fridays to let me know how the week went?" Regular check-ins prevent small concerns from becoming big problems.

Advocate for supports. 

If needed, ask for in-class help or academic support. In-class help or modifications of assignments, such as breaking them into manageable parts, may be what your child needs to succeed. Be your child's advocate, learn what resources your school offers, and make sure you are maximizing them.

Act on referrals promptly. 

Follow up with additional resources if a teacher has expressed concern about things that are beyond their level of expertise. Schools do not make referrals lightly. If they have suggested that your child be evaluated by an occupational therapist, a physical therapist, a speech therapist, or an educational consultant to gain more refined information to understand what makes your child tick and help get them on track, make sure you follow up. Providing outside support can bolster your child and provide both teacher and student with strategies for progress—that's your end of the partnership.

Occupational Therapists, Physical Therapists, and Speech Therapists prepare children to thrive in all of the environments in which they need to, including school. With a deep understanding of the whole child and kids' needs in the classroom, experienced therapists are in a unique position to understand which expectations are developmentally appropriate, evaluate your child's underlying skills, and bridge the gap between expectations in school and your child's abilities. My favorite way to get the process rolling is to observe students first in the classroom before they know me. There are unique challenges and supports inherent in each classroom, including the teacher's personalities and unique expectations, the class composition, and the social and physical environment. Therapy for children with challenges in school is tailored to help each child to meet their individual developmentally appropriate goals. To make this happen, in addition to providing one-on-one intervention, therapists partner with classroom teachers to infuse therapeutic strategies for your child that often end up benefiting all of the children.

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HOW POTS CAN HELP

Founded by Dr. Chaye Lamm Warburg, POTS is the premier comprehensive pediatric therapy practice in Bergen County, providing cutting-edge Occupational, Speech, Physical, Feeding, and Aqua Therapy services to infants, children, and their families since 1991. POTS has the most experienced, highly trained occupational, physical, and speech therapists in Bergen County.

If concerns arise at your spring parent-teacher conference, we're here to help. We welcome you to schedule a free 15-minute consultation in person or on the phone so we can help you chart the best course of action. We find that not every child who is recommended for evaluation will need therapy. We partner with schools and parents to help children achieve best outcomes, and we welcome the opportunity to partner with your family.

Written by Dr. Chaye Lamm Warburg, POTS Director

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